~ read.

So, two guys walk into a convenience store and test a breast pump…

I just had one of the weirdest, most awkward social interactions I’ve had in recent memory. So check it: I met up with a buyer who found our listing for a breast pump through a local, craigslist-type classifieds site.

Of course there’s the weirdness inherent to two guys meeting up at a convenience store and ham-handedly trying to put together the pieces of a breast pump out of the box and testing the thing on random parts of our body (I tested it on my tummy. It tickled.) but the entire thing got worse because:

  1. I have the mental maturity of a 13 year-old and I can’t stifle my laughter whenever the words “breast”, “pump” and “suck” come up in the conversation (which, in a transaction involving a breast pump, come up every other sentence)
  2. I didn’t know what to say after the transaction was finalized, so I went with “congratulations on your wife’s new breast pump”

  3. I could’ve went with a simple handshake to end the transaction, but I pulled the guy closer and went for the man-hug/back pat combo. Neither of us were graceful enough nor were we familiar enough with each other to pull that off.

  4. After the huge failure that was #3 and while the guy was still lingering inside the convenience store, I used the same money he purchased the breast pump with to purchase a ream of Marlboros and a copy of FHM.

Good God. My face is in a permanent cringe right now. Definitely not my finest moment.

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